Have you ever met someone you truly admired? The kind of person who seems like they have their life together, exudes charisma, and leaves you thinking, “Wow, this person is amazing!” Maybe you even had the privilege of interacting with them, and they lived up to all your expectations.

Then, time passes. Life happens. And suddenly, that incredible person isn’t so recognizable anymore. Something changed. At first, you tell yourself, “Oh, it’s just a phase. Maybe they’re having a bad day…or year.” But as time marches on, it becomes clear: the person you once knew has transformed into someone else entirely.

Why? What happened?

There are countless reasons why people change, but today, let’s talk about one of the biggest culprits: trauma.

Trauma has a way of grabbing people by the collar, shaking them to their core, and saying, “Guess what? You’re not going to be the same person anymore!” And here’s the kicker—this transformation isn’t optional. It’s not like they get to choose whether they’re altered; it just happens. The impact of trauma can be so profound that it fundamentally reshapes who they are.

So, what do you do when the person you knew and admired is no longer “there”?

Step One: Accept Reality

The first challenge is recognizing that the person standing before you now is not the same individual you once knew. They’re not going to respond, behave, or think the way they used to. Expecting them to will only set you both up for disappointment.

But let’s get one thing straight—this doesn’t mean you give up on them. It means you accept them as they are now. You acknowledge that trauma happened, and its aftermath has created someone new.

Step Two: Mourn the Loss

Here’s the hard part: grieving. It’s okay to mourn the loss of the relationship or dynamic you once had. Take the time to feel all the feelings—sadness, frustration, maybe even anger. It’s a process, and it’s messy, but it’s necessary.

And no, this doesn’t mean you sit around wallowing forever. You honor what was, then make space for what could be.

Step Three: Get to Know the New Person

If you’re lucky enough to still have this person in your life, treat it like starting over. Introduce yourself to the “new” version of them. Who knows? You might discover strengths, insights, or qualities you never saw before.

Oh, and let’s not forget the boundaries part. Boundaries are your best friend here. They’ll help you navigate this fresh relationship with clarity and mutual respect.

Step Four: Embrace Growth

If this individual is working through their trauma, they’re not just a “changed” person—they’re someone actively striving to heal and grow. That’s no small feat. And while they may never be who they were before (spoiler: that’s impossible), they can emerge as someone even stronger, wiser, and more self-aware.

Adjusting to change is tough, especially when it’s someone you care about deeply. But here’s the silver lining: transformation doesn’t erase the potential for connection. It just means you’re starting a new chapter—together, if you both choose.

So, take a deep breath, mourn what’s been lost, and open your heart to what’s ahead. After all, life is all about growth, change, and the relationships we build along the way—even if they’re not the same as they used to be.